One last letter home

A few weeks ago, I shared what’s up next for the MacBride family.

Since then, we’ve been busy packing and getting organized, but I want to take out some special time and attempt to capture my thoughts on the closing of this one chapter, and the beginning of the next - both major turning points in my 30 years of life thus far - and what it all means.

When I sat down to write this “final goodbye” I had no idea where to even begin. I still have no idea, but I’m going to just start typing and see what spills out.

How do you sum up 3.5 years, 2 moves, 17 countries, and 1 toddler? Geeze. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived 100 different lives in just the last few years. And to some degree, I think that’s pretty true, as I’m certainly not the same girl who boarded that plane on October 8, 2016, for a nonstop flight to Hong Kong.

To gain some perspective, one of the first things I did was go back to a few of my first blog posts when I announced our move to Hong Kong, and boy what an emotional rabbit hole that sent me down.

I’m not naive enough to think it’s all going to be easy. I know there will be days where I feel lost (probably literally and figuratively) and I may even have a few breakdowns along the way, but even that excites me. Is that weird? To think that even the hardest days are going to be exhilarating because it means I get to live on the other side of the world, experience a brand new culture, meet new people, try new food and so much more.

I still remember everything about arriving in Hong Kong for the first time. The smell of our hotel. The sound of the traffic signals. The humidity. I remember soaking in every sense of Hong Kong as my new home, and being so overwhelmingly excited for the unknown. In our short 18 months in Asia, we lived a completely different life and embraced it all. We reached new heights, explored peaceful retreats, ate some crazy good food, celebrated new holidays, took backpacking adventures, and so much more. But, we also experienced the greatest loss we’ve ever had to face.

And through the ups and downs, we started to carve out a life for ourselves abroad. I found community through a lacrosse team who immediately made me feel welcome, despite me showing up late (I got lost); with zero equipment (it hadn’t shipped from the US yet); and a foggy memory of the rules (it had been 10 years since I last played). I later found another group of friends through a mom’s club who hosted brunches, hikes and other fun activities as we all navigated our first-time pregnancies. Even to this day, I am so thankful for all of these people; our expat family.

Dave joined a local basketball team, and excelled in his career. We settled in well. It was actually the most I’ve ever felt at home in my life. What I learned those first few months is that when you move far away from everything and everyone you’ve ever known, you start to realize what’s most important in life, and what isn’t at all. Those first few months brought joy in even the most mundane of activities: successfully getting money out of the ATM; taking my first solo taxi ride; and the not so mundane - communicating in Cantonese. It was all such a thrilling adventure.

And then we began chapter two of this crazy, and unexpected journey.

Fast forward to 2018, and we found ourselves relocating to London for a new job opportunity. This move was abrupt, as it somewhat had to be because I was 32 weeks pregnant! In a matter of three weeks, we packed, found a new doctor, a new flat, and a new life in London (another place neither of us had ever traveled to before).

Oh, London. It’s tough to describe our life here as the first year was a complete blur of having a baby almost immediately and trying to figure out how to be a mom. Looking back, I barely even remember that first year. Despite our trepidation’s with being first-time parents, we did our best to get out and explore the city as much as we could. We also took full advantage of traveling throughout Europe, where exploring a new country is as close as a two hour flight!

Getting to see more of the world has hands down been the best part of the last few years. As I mentioned above, we were fortunate to visit nearly 20 countries, taking with us some pretty incredible memories from each. That said, I ventured through the archives, and reminisced on some of my favorite “pinch me” moments, and I thought it would be fun to highlight them below. These are the experiences I still cannot believe actually happened…

Volunteering at the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Volunteering at the Elephant Nature Park is truly an experience I will never forget as it was my first time living out of a backpack and staying in hostels. This was all part of a week-long trip I took with a seasoned backpacking friend who helped show me the ropes of real traveling. After a few days in Chiang Mai, we stayed two nights at ENP and helped care for some of their rescued elephants and dogs. One of my favorite memories from this trip was listening to all the different animals in the middle of the night whilst sleeping underneath my mosquito-net-covered bed. It felt like I was in the middle of some Jurassic Park-like dream.

Hiking through the Atlas Mountains in Marrakech, Morocco

I remember hiking to this cave (pictured above) thinking insert expletive “maybe this wasn’t a good idea” while being terrified that we had got ourselves in too far. But when the door opened, and we climbed up to reveal our little table setting, and these views, I immediately realized this was one of the best travel decisions Dave and I had ever made, and something to this day, we say we will never forget. Oh, and our four-month old was with us, too. WHAT?!

Getting my fortune at the Sensoji Temple in Tokyo, Japan

Tokyo was one of the first times I was completely on my own to explore a new city while Mr. Dave worked. On our first night, a few of us squeezed into a tiny sushi bar in the fish market and had one of the best food experiences of my entire life: just us and the chef, passing endless amounts of fish, and an oyster the size of my head.

Another special memory from that trip is checking out the Sensoji Temple and getting my fortune. It’s memorable as it was about a month after losing our first baby, and I’ll never forget what my fortune told me that day…

Cloudy sky for a long period, finally get clear, everything get bright again. At the same time, the water get clean and clear like no trouble in our mind. Receiving a tare letter from far away, and found out you got success. Meeting a person unexpected, and by whose help, your request and desire will all be granted. *Your request will be granted later. *The patient will get well. *Lost article will be found. *The person you want for will come. *Building a new house and removal are both well. *To start a trip is good. *Marriage of any kind and new employment are both well.

Watching the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea

Watching the Olympics was such a surreal experience as it had always been a bucket list item of Dave’s to see the USA mens ice hockey team compete, and the fact that we were in South Korea while doing it was just crazy. I remember sneaking on the train the second day as the friend we went with didn’t have official seats, so we sat on the floor where the train cars connected with a group of other people from all over the world, just listening to each others’ stories.

Island hopping in Phi Phi, Thailand

I think the photos really speak for themselves on this one. Most of my travels have included cities, but this island escape was majestic. I can still remember jumping off a boat into the blue-ish, green lagoons; snorkeling to discover baby sharks and staying in a hut with a thatched roof. We also visited the famous “Maya Bay” in ogled in all of its cinematic glory.

Sometimes it isn’t even about the trip itself, but the anticipation leading up to it, and the memories we hold so dear afterwards. While I reflect on all the memories of the last three and a half years, I found it said best by another traveler who submitted this to Thought Catalog, as I could not agree with it more:

Two of the greatest joys of travel don’t actually happen while you’re traveling: anticipation and reflection. The days and weeks leading up to our departure are filled with daydreams and expectations, planning and packing, anticipation and desire — the powerful emotions of what might yet be. And during the days, weeks and years that follow an adventure we relive it, retell it, remember it — establishing the powerful narratives of what once was. Through the stories we tell ourselves before we embark and through the stories we recount long after we’ve returned, the brevity of our journeys are extended and enriched. Indulge in the daydreams. Surrender to the memories. And even the briefest of journeys can span a lifetime.

We certainly have a lifetime’s worth of memories to share with Emerson when she’s older. And I cannot wait to tell her all about how her life got started, where she was born, and everything that she has been a part of in her short 20 months of life. She has been the greatest gift from it all.

As for the future

We’ve got a new adventure ahead of us now which includes doing something we’ve never done before: buying a house and “settling down” - whatever that means. Dave and I realized the other day we’ve never lived anywhere longer than 18-ish months. London is the longest we’ve ever lived in the same place. We’re excited to take this next step and feel like “real adults”, but I’d be lying if I said that at least once a day I didn’t get sad about leaving all of this behind. There are definitely going to be some emotional struggles as we readjust to a slower, slightly more ordinary life. And I don’t have the answers on how exactly we plan to navigate those struggles, but as we have with every new venture, we’ll press on with our heads high, eyes forward and hearts open.

I created the name “to home with love” as letters home to friends and family while I lived abroad, and now that I’ll be back “home”, I’m not really sure what it means for the future of this blog. I’m going to keep it for awhile as it holds some of the most precious memories of my life. But who knows, maybe suburban life will bring a whole new set of stories, and I’ll feel inspired to share. Nothing says hot, fire content like pantry organization or quartz counter tops, am I right?

But until then, thank you for coming along this journey with me. I’ve truly loved writing home to you.