A letter to my daughter on her first birthday
My friend Meagan over at Oh, bother blog has a yearly tradition of writing letters to her kids on their birthdays. I’ve always looked forward to seeing how her kids have grown, and love the idea of having something specifically captured year after year. So, shout out to Meg for inspiring this post.
This last year has been such a trip. We moved to London. Had a baby. And are soon beginning the process to find out what’s next for us. But before any of that can happen, I’m taking a moment to celebrate my daughter who (somehow) became a toddler this week. So, without further ado…
To my daughter on her first birthday,
Emerson. Emmy. E-money. E.
We did it! And by “we” I mean me, your dad and Google. We managed to keep you alive for an entire year! I know it sounds crazy reading this, but to be honest, I was really scared to have you. I know every new parent says they have no idea what they’re doing when they have kids, but I truly DID NOT know.
You were the first diaper I ever changed. The first baby I ever burped - and that wasn’t until you were probably six weeks old because I totally forgot that was something you were supposed to do until we took you to the doctor for colic - and, like, the third baby overall that I ever held in my arms. Ever.
And not only that, you were born in a foreign country, with no family or friends nearby, in to a healthcare system we didn’t understand, and brought to a home with rented furniture and none of our belongings from Hong Kong (they would conveniently arrive your first day home from the hospital) and no proper nursery because your “nursery” is 150 sq ft. We didn’t even have a crib.
So, what could go wrong, right?
Usually that’s the set up from a whole host of things that inevitably went wrong, however, that wasn’t the case for you. You were a dream baby.
When I think back to your birth, I laugh because I think it’s very fitting of your personality today. Quick and with reckless abandon. You flew in to the world and have been taking it by storm ever since. Since that first day you’ve crushed all those milestones that parents worry about, which often left your dad and I saying things like “Oh yeah, that’s a thing she does now.”, which I don’t mention to brag (although you’re my baby so I’m gonna brag on you a little bit), but I say it because each new “event” was totally mind blowing and amazing to me. And because it also makes me realize just how quickly time goes by.
You “talk” constantly from morning to night. Babbling or “squawking” to everyone, yourself included. Some of my favorite early memories of you include laying in bed listening to you talk to yourself. Some mornings I would come in to your closet, ahem nursery, and you suddenly would end your soliloquy and give me the stink eye as if I’ve interrupted some important baby business. Learning to watch you communicate has been one of my favorite aspects of motherhood, even now, as your communication methods are getting more assertive…
At six months old you said “mama” for the first time. I’ll never forget this moment because it was the day my grandfather (your great grandfather) passed away. We made an emergency trip back to the states for him to meet you, which was special, because we made it just two days before he passed.
That day, we were all standing around, not really knowing what to do. You were crying and upset about something when suddenly, clear as day, you shouted “mama”! Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and made a moment out of it. A dark day, but you brought us all a little sunshine. It was also on that trip that you and I took our first flight together, just you and me. I was beyond terrified, but you managed to sleep through 90% of it. Thank you times a million for that.
Speaking of travel, you’ve visited 6 countries (and are about to tackle three more), been on 14 flights, 4 trains, and one camel. The camel ride was most definitely my biggest parental mistake to date, but no one was injured, so I consider it a win! I know you won’t remember this time of your life, but our hope is that through these photos you will be inspired to explore the world, and someday experience as much of it as you can. That is my biggest dream for you. As much as I’ll never want you to leave your dad and I, you must. In fact, you should live somewhere other than the town you grow up in (knowing that you can always come home).
Your favorite toys tend to be pieces of garbage. No, we don’t let you play in the trash, but there hasn’t been an empty water bottle, piece of cardboard, ribbon, etc. that hasn’t entertained you for hours. I don’t even know why we buy toys!
Your other loves include: Roxy, bananas, Minnie Mouse, books, your dad, and anything that I seem to be eating/drinking/watching/looking at. You are silly, spunky and always down for a laugh. In fact, pretty much anything will make you laugh. You have a contagious toothy grin that makes your eyes squint up when you giggle. Recently, you’ve been doing this huge open mouth smile where you freeze your face for a few seconds like it’s stuck. It’s both hilarious and strange. You are independent and curious. You love your mama, but are pretty much obsessed with your dad, as of late. You’ve really taken a fancy to him in the last month or so, and it makes my heart melt to see the two of you together… but don’t get it confused sister, I’m still your number one. ;-)
You and I have a special bond because it’s often been just the two of us. I’ve been fortunate enough to be at home with you this first year while your dad works here in London, and abroad. I never thought I would be able to handle so much of this on my own, but you helped me figure it out quite quickly!
We do everything together, from the mundane like, grocery shopping and errand running, to the fun stuff like: music and yoga class, shopping (you’ve chilled out in many a dressing room, so thank you), and exploring new cities. Speaking of new cities, we recently returned from a trip to Prague where you shared your BIGGEST belly laugh we’ve ever heard from you. Like I said above, you’ve always been a goof, but this time you laughed so hard that you nearly snorted. It is a memory I will always cherish.
I could continue writing this for ages, chock full of memories and milestones, but it would never be enough to truly express how much I simply adore you.
I never wanted to be one of those mushy mom’s who sits and gushes about their baby all day long. In fact, I usually try to play it cool and say things like “yeah, she’s alright” whenever anyone asks about being your mom. But here’s the real truth: Being your mom is the greatest gift I will ever be given. You are my best accomplishment, and my deepest love. You’ve changed how I view the world. You’ve taught me patience and self-reflection. I am the best version of myself because I am your mom. You are undeniably spectacular. And you’ll never understand how much I needed you.
I cannot wait to see the big things you conquer in your next year and beyond. I’ll be right beside you through it all. You and me, as always, kid.
Happy birthday, Emerson Rose.